Tuesday 4 September 2018

On Being Found By What We Need


In the period leading up to the Jewish New Year I feel like an explorer who first has to set up base camp, as it were, in preparation for the expedition ahead of him. On a good day I think of what will follow as an annual adventure into the spiritual and psychological terrain of the so-called ‘Days of Awe’, the Yomim Noraim - an opportunity for reflection and re-evaluation during the ten days between Rosh Hashanah (the New Year) and Yom Kippur (the Day of Atonement).  It’s a time of potential renewal. But on a bad day, I’m reminded of the myth of Sisyphus, condemned to push the same boulder up the mountain over and over again: a thankless task.

The Selichot service, that takes place during an evening preceding the New Year itself, is an opportunity to check the route ahead, discover if we have the right provisions - even if we don’t quite know what provisions we might need – and maybe have a look at the maps drawn by those who have gone before us (which also seems to involve questioning whether their maps will be of any help for us). Some of us intuit that our journey – if we wish to take it - will require us to draw our own map rather than relying entirely on the routes that others have taken.

So, the questions for the evening circle around: what’s our route looking like this year? what provisions do we need? what resources can we draw on? This expedition is fraught work, filled with uncertainty and insecurity. At least initially. And who amongst us can claim to be an expert? At best we may feel like a willing amateur. And sometimes not so willing - for the resistance to this work can be strong.  

Over the years I’ve found it helpful to find a text to start me off – usually a text that might not seem an obvious starting place for a Jewish journey of inwardness: it might be something from Waiting for Godot, or King Lear, or a few lines of Seamus Heaney; even something from Alice in Wonderland has provided the springboard. I’m seeking out help to get myself deeper into the themes of the season. 

Now I say that I ‘find a text’ but that isn’t strictly accurate; it’d be more true to say that it often feels that the texts find me. If I’m working in a congregational setting I don’t go looking for good texts to bring to the community, like a mother bird searching out some juicy worms for her fledglings; but something will come my way, randomly, unexpectedly, unplanned, in the days or weeks leading up to the Selichot service; and it’ll get me thinking, and it won’t let go of me until I’ve done something with it, until I’ve used it as a building block in the flimsy construction of words (otherwise known as ‘a sermon’) which I offer as a starting point as the community sets off on its religious expedition.

This year it occurred to me that the process I’m describing – of being ‘found’ by a text – might offer a clue to one approach to the themes and the work of the High Holy Days. Those themes are the same every year: teshuvah - returning, seeking forgiveness, repentance, renewal. This is the heavy-duty religious baggage Jews grapple with over these weeks. And this stuff comes with so many expectations, that we may need something that helps to subvert these expectations.

The expectations may come from community, or family, or the liturgy, or are just expectations we put on ourselves, about change and transformation. We are weighed down by beliefs about what we ‘should’ be doing, or ‘should’ be feeling: and these expectations can get in the way of just experiencing what happens to us (and in us) during these weeks. Our prior expectations and beliefs about what we ought be doing, or feeling, or thinking, can block us being open to what actually happens, moment by moment: what happens naturally, we might say.

So when I talk about texts ‘finding’ me I’m offering a model that might be helpful in a wider sense:  that the things we need (the words, the ideas, the hope, the confidence, the resolve, the ability to forgive ourselves, the ability to forgive others: whatever it is we need) - they find us. They find us if we are open to them. So what  I’m describing, struggling to describe - because it’s hard to put into words – what I’m talking about is a stance in relation to the spiritual and religious work of these days.

Maybe I can describe it as ‘wandering attentiveness’ – even ‘distracted attentiveness’; it’s akin to what Shakespeare described, incomparably, in the words he put in Polonius’s mouth in Hamlet: “By indirections find directions out”.

So, if I had to summarise what I am saying, it’d be something like: ‘What you need to help you on this expedition through the High Holy Days is waiting for you - but you don’t need to work too hard to search for it, or seek it out, because it will arrive, it will come to you – your job, the job of each one of us, is to wait and be open to see it or hear it when it comes, to receive it into our hearts, our souls’. But when I say it like that, it makes it sound almost too easy, or inevitable: too deterministic.

So I want to say it tentatively, hesitantly, because, as Franz Kafka understood and described, in our times there is no longer a “broad…smooth road” leading from, or to, “Mount Sinai”[i]; there are no straight paths to religious revelation, no certainties, no programmes that will automatically get you there, no practices or rituals guaranteed to lead to enlightenment or inner change.

There’s no single Jewish text or prayer that will open up a failsafe surefooted pathway to heaven. (Although it’s also the case that there’s no single Jewish text or prayer that might not, on one unforeseen occasion, suddenly speak to you in a new, unexpected way: a word, or a phrase, or an idea, can pop out of the text and offer you a new thought about some aspect of your life).    

But I know that for many people now, it’s not usually the texts and prayers of tradition that light the way. As Rabbi Lionel Blue helped us understand, what is revealed to us that we need on our own journey through life can come from all sorts of places undreamt of by formal Jewish tradition: it may be a conversation that we overhear in the supermarket, or a headline on a stranger’s paper on the tube, it may be something a grandchild says, or a remark from a neighbour we bump into in the street, it may be an act of kindness we witness that highlights how we’d like to be, or an act of cruelty that we see that reminds us of, maybe shames us about, what we too are capable of, and makes us resolve to live from our better selves.

It may be a piece of music we hear that is new to us that we experience like an oasis in the desert - or music that we hear as if for the first time after hearing it a 100 times before. It might be a scene from a film, or a moment in the garden, or a sentence from a book that’s been lying around at home and that we decide to pick up and we open it up and there’s a thought or a phrase that penetrates some outer layer of indifference in us, that stirs something in us, that makes us realise something about ourselves – that we are a better person than we judge ourselves to be in our harshest moments, or that we have hurt someone and we need to do something about it, or any one of a thousand small revelations that can piece us, and change us, just a millimetre. But that millimetre is everything. This is teshuvah, the teshuvah of small moments – which are huge.  

But the thing is that we can’t search out these unexpected moments of revelation in everyday life: they find us; they arrive; they are for us; it can even feel that they are aimed at us – like the call of the bugle in Kafka’s parable that he hears but the servant doesn’t. We can’t make these experiences happen - but we have to be open to hear them, see them, feel them, to think about them. That’s down to us. That’s our work: we are receivers of revelation, we are given glimpses into a deeper reality, signs of deeper truths about life: about our life.

And it can be so frustrating that we can’t create these moments, we can’t plan for them, we can’t control them. Because we may have a real wish to change, to be the recipients of new insights, new understanding – and our tradition encourages us to strive in that direction – but it can end up with us empty-handed and feeling flat or disillusioned or angry. And if that happens – and it does - it’s probably because we are working too hard, too determinedly, too consciously, when what we need to do is wait, wait without hope (as the mystics said), “for hope might be hope for the wrong thing” (T.S.Eliot, Four Quartets). Often we are hoping for the thing we think we want, rather than the thing we need. So this year I’m suggesting that in this frenetic world maybe we can try to wait - patiently, without too much striving - wait with what I rather inadequately described earlier as a ‘wandering attentiveness’. 

For me this waiting – when I can bear to let it happen - is done in the spirit of that  wonderful short text from Kafka, which reads:

It is not necessary that you leave the house. Remain at your table and listen. Do not even listen, only wait. Do not even wait, be wholly still and alone. The world will present itself to you for its unmasking, it can do no other, in ecstasy it will writhe at your feet.

That’s the promise of these Jewish ‘Days of Awe’, Yomim Noraim:  if we remain open and attentive, we will be given what we need.

[adapted from a sermon given on Selichot evening at Finchley Reform Synagogue, London, September 1st 2018]





[i] Many people prowl around Mount Sinai. Their speech is blurred, either they are garrulous or they shout or they are taciturn. But none of them comes straight down a broad, newly made, smooth road that does its own part in making one’s strides long and swifter.

21 comments:

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  5. I am here to testify how great man called DR EDES helped me out with herbs and roots which he prepared for me in use of curing herpes. I took his product (cure) for (14) days before I was totally cure out of it, and i promised him that i will testify my healing to the whole world about how he cured me which I am very happy I am doing now. Dr Edes also cure all kinds of diseases , HEPATITIS, CANCER, DIABETICS , FRIBLOD,ALL KINDS OF SPELL CAST ,and so much more. you can contact on his whatsapp on +2348151937428 or email him via dredeshome@gmail.com.
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    ReplyDelete
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    ReplyDelete
  8. i am ERIC BRUNT by name. Greetings to every one that is reading this testimony. I have been rejected by my wife after three(3) years of marriage just because another Man had a spell on her and she left me and the kid to suffer. one day when i was reading through the web, i saw a post on how this spell caster on this address AKHERETEMPLE@gmail.com have help a woman to get back her husband and i gave him a reply to his address and he told me that a man had a spell on my wife and he told me that he will help me and after 3 days that i will have my wife back. i believed him and today i am glad to let you all know that this spell caster have the power to bring lovers back. because i am now happy with my wife. Thanks for helping me Dr Akhere contact him on email: AKHERETEMPLE@gmail.com
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    i am ERIC BRUNT by name. Greetings to every one that is reading this testimony. I have been rejected by my wife after three(3) years of marriage just because another Man had a spell on her and she left me and the kid to suffer. one day when i was reading through the web, i saw a post on how this spell caster on this address AKHERETEMPLE@gmail.com have help a woman to get back her husband and i gave him a reply to his address and he told me that a man had a spell on my wife and he told me that he will help me and after 3 days that i will have my wife back. i believed him and today i am glad to let you all know that this spell caster have the power to bring lovers back. because i am now happy with my wife. Thanks for helping me Dr Akhere contact him on email: AKHERETEMPLE@gmail.com
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    ReplyDelete
  9. i am ERIC BRUNT by name. Greetings to every one that is reading this testimony. I have been rejected by my wife after three(3) years of marriage just because another Man had a spell on her and she left me and the kid to suffer. one day when i was reading through the web, i saw a post on how this spell caster on this address AKHERETEMPLE@gmail.com have help a woman to get back her husband and i gave him a reply to his address and he told me that a man had a spell on my wife and he told me that he will help me and after 3 days that i will have my wife back. i believed him and today i am glad to let you all know that this spell caster have the power to bring lovers back. because i am now happy with my wife. Thanks for helping me Dr Akhere contact him on email: AKHERETEMPLE@gmail.com
    or
    call/whatsapp:+2349057261346




    i am ERIC BRUNT by name. Greetings to every one that is reading this testimony. I have been rejected by my wife after three(3) years of marriage just because another Man had a spell on her and she left me and the kid to suffer. one day when i was reading through the web, i saw a post on how this spell caster on this address AKHERETEMPLE@gmail.com have help a woman to get back her husband and i gave him a reply to his address and he told me that a man had a spell on my wife and he told me that he will help me and after 3 days that i will have my wife back. i believed him and today i am glad to let you all know that this spell caster have the power to bring lovers back. because i am now happy with my wife. Thanks for helping me Dr Akhere contact him on email: AKHERETEMPLE@gmail.com
    or
    call/whatsapp:+2349057261346

    ReplyDelete
  10. Its a miracle that I am alive today. I encounter HERPES SIMPLEX VIRUS (HSV1/2) for good four (4) years, six (6) months and twelve (12) day with my calculations, before I meet the great Dr. Sambo. I am DEBORAH from Fresno California, united state of America and I was affected with herpes virus.Herpes is a viral infection cause by the Herpes simplex virus, marked by painful, watery blister in the skin or mucous membrane or on the genitals. This was what I suffered for good four years. I have visited CVS Pharmacy in Fresno for treatment but no improvement. I meet Dr.Sambo online while I was searching for herpes cure I read a testimony about his work. I give a try that now becomes a testimony in my life. I contacted Dr.Sambo WhatsApp  +1(267)527-9481    

    ReplyDelete
  11. Its a miracle that I am alive today. I encounter HERPES SIMPLEX VIRUS (HSV1/2) for good four (4) years, six (6) months and twelve (12) day with my calculations, before I meet the great Dr. Sambo. I am DEBORAH from Fresno California, united state of America and I was affected with herpes virus.Herpes is a viral infection cause by the Herpes simplex virus, marked by painful, watery blister in the skin or mucous membrane or on the genitals. This was what I suffered for good four years. I have visited CVS Pharmacy in Fresno for treatment but no improvement. I meet Dr.Sambo online while I was searching for herpes cure I read a testimony about his work. I give a try that now becomes a testimony in my life. I contacted Dr.Sambo WhatsApp  +1(267)527-9481    

    ReplyDelete
  12. Its a miracle that I am alive today. I encounter HERPES SIMPLEX VIRUS (HSV1/2) for good four (4) years, six (6) months and twelve (12) day with my calculations, before I meet the great Dr. Sambo. I am DEBORAH from Fresno California, united state of America and I was affected with herpes virus.Herpes is a viral infection cause by the Herpes simplex virus, marked by painful, watery blister in the skin or mucous membrane or on the genitals. This was what I suffered for good four years. I have visited CVS Pharmacy in Fresno for treatment but no improvement. I meet Dr.Sambo online while I was searching for herpes cure I read a testimony about his work. I give a try that now becomes a testimony in my life. I contacted Dr.Sambo WhatsApp  +1(267)527-9481    

    ReplyDelete
  13. Herpes cure 
    It's a great pleasure for me to write this testimony about how I got my Genital Herpes cured within a month. I have been reading so many comments of some people who were cured from various diseases by Dr Ahmed Usman herbal medicine but I never believed them. I was hurt and depressed so I was too curious and wanted to try DR. Ahmed then i contacted him through his email, he assured me 100% that he will cure me,  and asked me a few questions and the preparation method for which I paid, he sent me herbal medicines and with his prescription and I drank herbal medicine for 21 days and the epidemics on my body were healed after concluding his herbal medicine as instructed by him and went for a check up, to my greatest surprise my result was negative, I am really happy that I am cured and healthy again. I have waited for a month to be very sure I was completely cured before writing this testimony. I did another blood test one week ago and it was still Herpes negative, with no trace of the virus on my blood so I guess its time I recommend him to anyone suffering from Herpes Virus. contact Dr. Ahmed through his official email address: drahmedusman5104@gmail.com or via whatsapp +2348064460510 
    He said he had an herbal remedy for
    diabetes, cancer, fibroid, hyperglycemia, hepatitis,
    HIV, heart disease and liver disease.   

    ReplyDelete
  14. PLEASE PARDON ME, I JUST HAVE TO SHARE THIS MY LIFETESTIMONY HERE ON HOW I GOT A CURE FOR HIV ...I was diagnosed of HIV until i heard of a traditional doctor with lot oftestimonies and post from people making reference to DOCTOR Usifoh on how he used his spiritual herbal medicine calledTATAHWE to cure them of their diseases. Some from HIV ( with a verylow cd4 count), HEPATITIS, HERPES SIMPLEX VIRUS , DIABETIC,CANCER, ASTHMA and many more... Although i did not believe in Native herbs Idecided to give it a trial so I took his contact and messaged himvia whatsapp chat ( +2348136788465 ),with the response he gave,he promised to prepare a medicine for me that will flush the virus awayfrom my system totally and It was not up to a week after I placed an order,I got the medicine and he instructed me to drink the medicine for two weeks ( morning and evening)after which, I should go back to the hospital for a Re-Test.I followed his instructions and I went for the test the following week after i had finishtaken the Tatahwe medicine,its very surprising i tested negative. I can't thank Dr Usifoh enough, so I decided to promote him because he cured me from my disease, there's no disease he can't cure.PLEASE BE VERY CAREFUL OF FAKE DOCTORS AND IMPERSONATORONLINE ALL THEY DO IS TO TAKE ADVANTAGE ON PATIENT WITHTHIS VIRUS WITHOUT SOLUTION OR SENDING MEDICINE. I WASONCE A VICTIM OF FRAUD BEFORE I HEARD OF THIS MAN. AND IRECEIVED THE MEDICINE BEFORE SENDING HIM CHARGES.For more information you can contact Dr Usifoh on; drusifohherbalhome@gmail. com+2348136788465 (whatsapp or call)

    ReplyDelete
  15. I'm giving a testimony about DR Aziegbe the great Herbalist, he has the cure to all manner of diseases, he cured my herpes simplex virus, though I went through different website I saw different testimonies about different spell casters and herbalist, I was like: 'Many people's have the herpes simplex virus cure why are people still suffering from it?' I though of it, then I contact DR Aziegbe via email, I didn't believe him that much, I just wanted to give him a try, he replied my mail and Needed some Information about me, then I sent them to him, he prepared it (CURE) and sent it to me through Airfreight Online Courier Service for delivery, he gave my details to the Courier Office, they told me that 2-3 days I will receive the parcel and i took the medicine as prescribed by him and I went for check-up 2 week after finishing the medicine, I was tested herpes simplex virus negative, if you are herpes simplex virus patient do me a favor by you contacting him and I assure anyone who is suffering it,your problem will never remain the same again you will be cured.ALSO DR Aziegbe help my sister husband to cure his HIV/AIDS he was suffering from it for the past 3 years, After he {cure} my herpes simplex virus, then my sister heard about it, she went home to tell her husband about DR aziegbe then her husband email him and explain his problem to him, he also prepare herbal medicine and he use Airfreight courier service to sent him the herbal medicine and he instruct him on how he will be using it for 14 days, That on the 15 days of it, he should go and check his self in the hospital and he did as he was instructed by DR Aziegbe to GOD be the glory he was cure of his HIV/AIDS which he was suffering from for the past 3 years thanks to these great man we will ever remain grateful to you sir indeed might work you did in our families. When you contact him, make sure you tell him that I refer you.. contact him via: DRAZIEGBEHERBALHOMEOFSOLUTION@GMAIL.COM OR call HIM +2348140581311, And click on his wesite DRAZIEGBEHERBALHOMEOFSOLUTION.WORDPRESS.COM

    ReplyDelete
  16. i am here to testify to the world about the goodness of david muhammed
    i was sicking of herpes1&2 and i was looking for help the one that
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    he help with the herbal cure too, i was so happy that there is cure to
    this herpes1&2 i requested for the product in the next 4days the
    herbal was in my place in USA, i took it according to his instruction
    after everything and i went to hospital to do checkup and the result
    was negative and i was very happy about it,i email him again and thank
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    away, he told me that i should tell the world about him,so i am now
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    Money spell
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    Lottery spell
    Pregnancy spell
    Promotion spell
    Voodoo
    Get married spell
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    Protection spell
    HIV/aids
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    Cure any kind in body disease
    E.T.C
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    addres: muhammedspellcast@gmail.com or You can also contact him on WhatsApp +2347059007941

    ReplyDelete
  17. Dr Kuje cured me from Herpes virus and Hepatitis-b, since 4 year ago i was effected with herpes simplex virus 1 and hepatitis-b, and i have taken all manner of drugs prescribed to me by several doctors,but all my effort was wasted,i cried all day thinking on how i can be cured of this illness, i lost hope while i was looking for solution for my health,but one faithful day, i was searching the internet i came across several testimonies about Dr.Kuje,and how he has cure so many effected individual ,so i try and contact his email and asked him for solution about my herpes simplex virus 1 and he started the preparation to my cure,to my greatest surprise after two weeks, i was totally cure by his powerful herbal medicine,i never believed that i could be cure from this wicked disease until i met Dr.Kuje, i’m very grateful to you and i know your herbal medicine will save more millions of lives. his email address kujeherb@gmail.com

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  18. The Great Dr.OLIHA Herbal medicine is a good or perfect cure remedy for HIV Virus, I was diagnose of HIV for almost 5 years, everyday i am always on research looking for a perfect way to get rid of this terrible disease as i always knew that what we need for our health is right here on earth though the scientist say there is know cure for this disease,on my search I saw some different testimony on how Dr. OLIHA has been able to cure HIV with is herbal medicine. I decided to contact this man, I contacted him and he guided me on how to purchase for the medicine. I asked him for solutions and he started the remedies for my health. Thank God, now everything is fine, I’m cured by Dr. OLIHA herbal medicine, I’m very grateful to Dr. OLIHA, reach him now on (oliha.miraclemedicine@gmail.com ) or you can also call him on +2349038382931.
    Dr. OLIHA Also Cures:1. HIV/AIDS2. HERPES 1/23. CANCER4. ALS (Lou Gehrig’s disease)5. Hepatitis B6. chronic pancreatic7. Emphysema8. COPD (Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease)9. Asthma10.Acute angle-closure Glaucoma11. Diabetes12.CHRONIC PANCREATIC13.CHLAMYDIA14.ZIKA VIRUS

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  19. I have been suffering from (HERPES SIMPLEX VIRUS) disease for the past one years and had constant pain, especially in my knees. During the first year,I had faith in God that i would be healed someday.This disease started circulating all over my body and i have been taking treatment from my doctor, few weeks ago i came on search on the internet if i could get any information concerning the prevention of this disease, on my search i saw a testimony of someone who has been healed from (HERPES SIMPLEX VIRUS) by this Man Dr patrick and she also gave the email address: dr.patrickherbalhome@gmail.com of this man and advise we should contact him for any sickness that he would be of help, so i wrote to Dr. patrick telling him about my (HERPES Virus) he told me not to worry that i was going to be cured!! hmm i never believed it,, well after all the procedures and remedy given to me by this man few weeks later i started experiencing changes all over me as the doctor assured me that i have cured,after some time i went to my doctor to confirmed if i have be finally healed behold it was TRUE, So friends my advise is if you have such sickness or any other at all you can email:: dr.patrickherbalhome@mail.com or whatsApp his number on +2348055367947  

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  20. Battling with any health related issues or infection is not the end of your life, why not contact a herbal practitioner for cure Dr Ogedegbe has herbal remedies and permanent solution for all your health related problems.I recommend him to you today only because i have also used his herbal medicine and it worked perfectly on my health problem, you can actually save yourself from giving your hard earned money to Scammers if only you can contact Dr Ogedegbe today for genuine and Permanent cure herbal products . Pls help share this post to save yourself and your love ones.Dr Ogedegbe is specialize in these areas,Permanent herbal supplements for anxiety and depression,HIV/AIDS, DIABETES, HERPES, PENIS ENLARGEMENT, CANCER, HPV, ALS.  .. etc. Email: dr.ogedegbe6@gmail.com also call or whatsApp him on +2348109374702...........

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  21. I want to thank Emu Temple for the accurate readings he gave me and for also helping me bring back my lover.. If you are here and you are having any relationship problem please Contact Emu Temple on Via Email: emutemple@gmail.com OR Via WhatsApp +2347012841542 and result is 100% guarantee and He do lot more as:*Love Spells*Lost Love Spells*Divorce Spells*Stop Divorce Spell*Marriage Spells*Binding Spells*Breakup Spells*You want to be promoted in your office*Want to satisfy your lover*Death Spell*Gay/Lesbian Love Spell*Court case Spell*Politics Spell*Good-luck Spell*Bad Luck Remover Spell*Do as i say Spell*General cleansing Spell*Herbal remedy for all kind of disease    
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    I want to thank Emu Temple for the accurate readings he gave me and for also helping me bring back my lover.. If you are here and you are having any relationship problem please Contact Emu Temple on Via Email: emutemple@gmail.com OR Via WhatsApp +2347012841542 and result is 100% guarantee and He do lot more as:*Love Spells*Lost Love Spells*Divorce Spells*Stop Divorce Spell*Marriage Spells*Binding Spells*Breakup Spells*You want to be promoted in your office*Want to satisfy your lover*Death Spell*Gay/Lesbian Love Spell*Court case Spell*Politics Spell*Good-luck Spell*Bad Luck Remover Spell*Do as i say Spell*General cleansing Spell*Herbal remedy for all kind of disease    
    *Lottery Spell*Pregnancy Spell*Peins enlargement 

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